Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The feeling are messing with the penis
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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