i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
