my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
