And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
