good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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