if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
meet me or not, i'm out of control
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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