I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
