I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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