Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
