Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
