If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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