Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
