Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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