Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize