Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
