I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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