I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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