is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
