Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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