Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize