ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
