Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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