My friends, they love my intelligence
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
