talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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