At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
