Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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