just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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