Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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