I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
