you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize