I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
