btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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