Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
vagina is talking i cant
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
