please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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