cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She swung at the pinata with crutches
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
