direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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