My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I should be sponsored by Trojan
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize