nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
