Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
