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i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
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