apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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