can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
