i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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