I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
