Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
