I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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