To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
