Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
