Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I need to sanitize my soul.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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