stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
