the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
