I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
