yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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