just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
