i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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