I got chris browned last night
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
