turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
