The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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