i just wanna soil my oats bro
Four minutes until I can fart!
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
