I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
