don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
