Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
