This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
