My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My dick has a subreddit
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
